And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
