oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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