He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
