a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
