I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to have your abortion
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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