sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
