You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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