Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
