so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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