Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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