Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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