DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
