i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
