White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
