I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
