my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do herpes really smell.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
