I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize