Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna fight the coyote
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
