yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
