he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
