Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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