Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
