: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
