Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
