Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
false alarm. still invincible.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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