did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
