just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
