Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
