she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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