next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
