Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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