Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
