My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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