How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
