where does the pee come out of this thing
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
