Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible