I wish I could teleport
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
