At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
