Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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  (413): Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo http://tfl.nu/r8i0
  Replies (9) Good night (751) Bad night (2378)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack

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  (540): then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack http://tfl.nu/52qh
  Replies (14) Good night (1540) Bad night (3233)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out

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  (573): You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out http://tfl.nu/kgmu
  Replies (4) Good night (858) Bad night (2557)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.

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  (815): I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis. http://tfl.nu/m4yy
  Replies (6) Good night (991) Bad night (2917)
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  (805): View more from California

  100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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  (805): 100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun. http://tfl.nu/nptp
  Replies (5) Good night (2015) Bad night (945)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

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  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (3134) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.

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  (206): I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night. http://tfl.nu/kkxt
  Replies (4) Good night (1647) Bad night (552)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.

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  (479): Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom. http://tfl.nu/7rpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2956) Bad night (654)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"

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  (682): Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this" http://tfl.nu/tpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1362) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

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  (814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw
  Replies (8) Good night (895) Bad night (397)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face

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  (609): jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face http://tfl.nu/r9ws
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (216)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  The band last night was really good

  (1-252): View more from North Carolina

  That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.

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  (252): The band last night was really good (1-252): That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/08ms
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?

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  (404): I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man? http://tfl.nu/kmsm
  Replies (12) Good night (300) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  How high are you exactly

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  (443): Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis (828): How high are you exactly http://tfl.nu/wb80
  Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (173)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed

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  (508): all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed http://tfl.nu/18hn
  Replies (4) Good night (581) Bad night (255)

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