So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he's single and there are thong briefs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
