Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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