Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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