Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
