after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
