we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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