I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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