I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
