I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
