I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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