Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
