Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
