After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
