Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
