I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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