He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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