i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
