hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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