plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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