At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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