I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
