It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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