Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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