I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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