sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this hospital has no fireball
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize