I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
