Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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