Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
