I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
