my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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