Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm really busy with my period
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