I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
