I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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