I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
