Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
