my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
