i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
