if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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